INCOMING MESSAGE FROM THE INCOMING PRIME MINISTER

IT'S TRUE! THE WORKING CLASS SHALL BE ERASED FROM THE FACE OF BRITAIN! THE UNITED KINGDOM SHALL BECOME A GLORIOUS SANCTUARY FOR CORPORATE ELITES, BILLIONAIRES, LANDLORDS, GAMERS, AND OF COURSE, MARGARET THATCHER! MY FIRST ACT UPON ENTERING DOWNING STREET WILL BE TO ABOLISH CORPORATION TAX, ABOLISH THE 2ND AND 3RD TAX BANDS, AND INTRODUCE A REVOLUTIONARY NEW 99% VAT ON BUDGET SUPERMARKET PRODUCTS. WHY SHOULD AFFORDABLE FOOD REMAIN AFFORDABLE? FURTHERMORE, EVERY COUNCIL ESTATE SHALL BE CONVERTED INTO EXECUTIVE OFFICE SPACE, EVERY PUB INTO A HEDGE FUND, AND EVERY HIGH STREET INTO A LUXURY INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO. TO THE WORKING CLASS, I SAY THIS: YOU CAN RUN, YOU CAN HIDE, YOU CAN SEEK REFUGE IN THE REDUCED SECTION AT TESCO—BUT THE FREE MARKET IS COMING FOR YOU! IT IS AN EXPLOITIVE CAPITALIST WORLD AND YOURE LIVING IN IT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. — GOVERNOR OF THE BANK OF ENGLAND ASHTON GILBERT (All satire I genuinely look forward to being PM)