URGENT MESSAGE FROM HOCHBURGER-MEYER FBI:

FLP Chair and former aspiring presidential candidate Roser, better known as Flowery Dreemurr, has mysteriously vanished in the night. After reportedly not logging on for more than 19 hours, the FBI has officially opened a missing-persons investigation. Top detectives suspect Roser may have fled following the emotional devastation of his crushing defeat at the hands of the Democrats, in which he somehow managed to fumble more than 300 electoral votes. Whatever the cause, political analysts are calling the disappearance an apparent admission of defeat and are now wondering what the FLP will do without its leader. Their prediction? Probably lose to the Democrats anyway. Some particularly bold investigators believe Roser has fled to the United Kingdom, abandoning the FLP and leaving trans children behind with not-a-lord Lord Halifax. The investigation continues as the FLP remains without an active leader. The democrats remain undefeated after two landslide electoral wins.